just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
