good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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