he told me I talked like a deaf person
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
