My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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