i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize