Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
