I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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