There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I AM VODKA MAN
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
