not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
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THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
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I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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