Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
