I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
