If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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