So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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