I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
