Your mouth is God's brothel.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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