So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
