I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You smell like stripper and shame
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
