The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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