You're my little dorito
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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