I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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