So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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