I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
