It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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