omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
