i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
