Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
