We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
