we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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