i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
