I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
