when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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