you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
