Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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