Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
