I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
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Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
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I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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