If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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