I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
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So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
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Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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