Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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