Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
