the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
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I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
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