i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
