Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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