My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
