Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
