your parents love me but you hate me
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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