i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
