I was born with a shot glass in my hand
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
