so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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