I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
