apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
