i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Drake has all the answers
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize