I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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