you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
