Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
