Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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