We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
