In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
