We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
