listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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