Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
A bitchslap is in order.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
