I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
